Finally

My son has recently made some initial contact with me and finally. We are still not healed, and I don’t know if we ever will be, or if I will ever see my son again. But it’s nice to say the things that need to be said, and at least open the door a little bit. I have changed so much since he knew me last.

Almost like a whole new person, really. I finally have become happy, and it’s been so long. I finally was shown that I can make my way in the world successfully and see and meet and experience so much. I don’t want what we had before. I want something different for both of us. I can imagine, just communicating, and maybe a visit to many of the incredible things I can see in the world. We can literally meet across the world. Anywhere. I will even pay for it.

When my son knew me, I felt trapped in marriage, then recovering from it, and surroundings and work and life and bullshit for too long. I lived only for my family, only for my ex husband, only for my kid and forgot to live for ME. All I was, was a mom, I believed. But I was more, but I didn’t do things for ME. Since last October I have been living for me. And it’s been incredible. I am worth it. What I want in this world is worth it. Even if it’s just me, I’m worth it. I forgot that for too long.

At this time I don’t envision myself returning to live in America. That time has passed. I am looking around the world for the place I want to live longer term. I haven’t found it yet but the one place I felt like I belonged was Jamaica, I’m watching for other countries where I feel inspired, where I feel alive, where I feel I am me.

So hopefully my son and I will continue to evolve, heal and grow. I hope he is happy and living the best life he can live, if we must be apart.